The Summer is Ending...

Wow! I can't believe the summer is coming to an end and it is time to once again turn my focus to school and the new year ahead. I can't lie though and say I am sorry. This summer has been a rough one full of doctors appointments, rough days/nights, and too many needles. I am thankful for a wonderful doctor, who prays for me and has left no stone unturned in looking for why I am sick and finding the best treatment plan. I am also blessed to be a part of a church family and community of friends who have been surrounding me in prayers during this whole process. I am not one who likes to talk about the private things going on in my life, so as uncomfortable as it has been for me to talk about it and let other people in, it has been a blessing.

So what is on the horizon?  Great things I know. I am scheduled for surgery on the 24th. Most of the details are still unknown and probably won't be known until she can actually "see what is going on".  I am not worried though because I know that God will be there and the end result will make me feel better. Besides that, I am excited to jump right back in to school improvement, preparing for my new students, and of course starting more grad classes. My only real concern is the recovery process because this is one of the busiest times of year for me, but my plan is to prepare ahead of time for my school committments and trust that God will take care of the rest. Between the peace and energy God can give and the supportive love of my husband and family. This season will pass and at the end, we will be able to see how God used this time to make us all stronger.

27 and Wierd

I think it is fitting around your birthday to do some reflecting on the last year and everything that has happened as well as set some goals for the upcoming year. This last year has beenvery tough emotionally, physically and mentally but some really amazing things have happened as well.  I graduated with my Master's, took on some new responsibilites at work, started my Specialist degree, went to Harry Potter World with the hubbs and Vegas with dear friends, spent quality time with family and friends, became more involved with ministry at church, learned I can and enjoy baking, and made some healthy choices by starting WW. Next year, I hope to keep the momentum of positivity started at church by continuing to work with both the children and young adult ministries. At work, I hope to become even more dedicated to my craft of teaching and become a better mediator of my responsibilites in and out of the classroom. I hope to keep working on my Specialist degree, sticking with the WW and taking time to enjoy baking, reading and spending time with family and friends. Before my next birthday, I hope to have run in a road race, crocheted my first blanket, and maybe even get a second tattoo!

But most of all...I am praying for God to give me the courage to be WIERD; to do things different and break the status-quo. I am tired of being held captive by the why me's and why not's of this earthly world. I have allowed fear, bitterness, and anger to consume parts of my heart. But over this next year, I want to take those parts back and give them to God. In Romans we read "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-- his good, pleasing and perfect will."

During my 26th year, I spent too much time thinking about why some things weren't happening for me like for everyone else; why Kevin and I were facing such hard times. Well the answer is that the tough times make you stronger and they have united Kevin and I in a unique way. So during my 27th year, I want to stop comparing myself to others, claim God's plan for my life, and believe that Jesus will serve as my strength to be WIERD enough to walk through it all.

Burning Bush in the middle of a Busy Day

It is the end of the year and chaos has begun. One more full day of school, three days of exams (and grading exams), finishing final grades, cleaning the classroom, pacing guide prep for new 8th grade class, presenting 2 days with a fellow (fabulous) colleague, finishing out my School Improvement responsibilities and reports and then starting my summer job. PLUS, I am finishing one class (2 final assignments), just starting another class which means I will be driving to Mt. Pleasant for class and we might be watching our nieces for a week (final plans are still in the air)!!!! Oh my goodness.  The to do list keeps getting longer and my hair will probably start falling out any day now. Amidst it all, God slowed me down long enough to quiet my heart and give me a message of hope.

Today, my DOCTOR, not a nurse but my actual DOCTOR, called me to check up and see how I was doing. She explained the next steps, answered my questions and made a plan for me.  I think she could hear in my voice my real answer although "Okay, yep, I'm fine" is what came out.  That is when she shared too that she has been in my shoes, knows the thoughts in my head and heart and asked me "Do you have faith?" I know this must be a hard question for someone who really knows nothing about me beyond the facts in my chart because she definitely stumbled on it before it finally came out of her mouth. I answered, "Yes, I have faith." She told me to hold on to that faith and that she would be including me in her prayers. I could barely get off the phone before I was on my knees with tears in my eyes (big shock, I know) thanking God for this message. This burning bush in the middle of a busy day.

I know I will never understand all the pieces of my life until one day when I am talking face to face with my Savior but moments like these make it easier to get through the hard times.

Ministry of Music

So this morning, once again, I was ministered to by the music on KLove. I have been really struggling the past few days and the first song I heard when I got in the car was "Stronger" by Mandisa. The words fit EXACTLY with where I was. Perfectly. During my prayer time this morning, I wrote "Honestly, God I am angry with you. You hear my heart, you see my brokenness, and still you stay away.   I am tired of preaching faith in a loving God, when I feel you have deserted me. God, where are you? Don't you see I need you? Why have you put me here?"  The lyrics of the song brought me to tears (no surprise there) but how refreshing to feel like God is listening to my desperate and angry prayers after all.

Lyrics to Stronger :

Hey, heard you were up all night
Thinking about how your world ain't right
And you wonder if things will ever get better
And you're asking why is it always raining on you
When all you want is just a little good news
Instead of standing there stuck out in the weather

Oh, don't hang your head
It's gonna end
God's right there
Even if it's hard to see Him
I promise you that He still cares

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
And things can only get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger
Gonna make you stronger, stronger, stronger
Believe me, this is gonna make you ...

Try and do the best you can
Hold on and let Him hold your hand
And go on and fall into the arms of Jesus
Oh, lift your head it's gonna end
God's right there
Even when you just can't feel Him
I promise you that He still cares

'Cause if He started this work in your life
He will be faithful to complete it
If only you believe it
He knows how much it hurts
And I'm sure that He's gonna help you get through this

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
In time it's gonna get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger

Hey, heard you were up all night
Thinking about how your world ain't right
And you wonder if things will ever get better
And you're asking why is it always raining on you
When all you want is just a little good news
Instead of standing there stuck out in the weather

Oh, don't hang your head
It's gonna end
God's right there
Even if it's hard to see Him
I promise you that He still cares

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
And things can only get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger
Gonna make you stronger, stronger, stronger
Believe me, this is gonna make you ...

Try and do the best you can
Hold on and let Him hold your hand
And go on and fall into the arms of Jesus
Oh, lift your head it's gonna end
God's right there
Even when you just can't feel Him
I promise you that He still cares

'Cause if He started this work in your life
He will be faithful to complete it
If only you believe it
He knows how much it hurts
And I'm sure that He's gonna help you get through this

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
In time it's gonna get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger

Lyrics of our hearts...

For those that don't know, Kevin and I have had a really rough few months.  We feel like we are following God's plan for our lives but each opportunity seems to be met by another obstacle.  At our wedding, almost five years ago, this was the first song we danced to as man and wife. Now, years later, the lyrics just seem to meet our hearts exactly where we are.

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say

Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak

I'm finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice

God...speak to us...let us hear your voice and feel your embrace. Use your Holy Word to minister to our hearts and bind us closer together with you and each other.

Way over due!!

Can't believe it has been almost a month since I have posted something on my blog! Over the last month, I have finished my 30 days with Jesus study, applied to to go back to school (YES, AGAIN) and dove head first in to the School Improvement Team responsibilities. I have had opportunities to hang at home with the hubbs watching Bones, movies, and working on our puzzle, gone to trivia night and seminar with friends, and took a day trip with my BFF to Saginaw.  At school, we have finished State testing, grades for Marking Period 4 and Spring Break is in sight. PHEW--- What a month!!!!  

Pure love...

As a hopeless romantic, I can say that Valentine's Day is a favorite time of year for me. I love seeing all the cards, flowers, and candy lining the aisles of stores. But is that all Valentine's Day should be? A time to do and say all the things  that we really should be saying everyday of the year?  I hope not.

There is a song on the radio that talks about true love.  JJ Heller sings about a pure love that is not polluted by earthly views of beauty, materialism, or a record of rights versus wrongs. This is the kind of love we should be celebrating on Valentine's Day; this kind of love is pure passion.

He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He’s the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night, “Dear God won’t you please
Could you send someone here who will love me?”

Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means

Her office is shrinking a little each day
She’s the woman whose husband has run away
She’ll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner
Then he would’ve stayed
And she says…

Who will love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love, what love really means

He’s waiting to die as he sits all alone
He’s a man in a cell who regrets what he’s done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
“Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home”

Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said
“I know you’ve murdered and I know you’ve lied
I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you’ll listen, I’ll tell you that I...”

I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love
The love that you never knew

One step forward, two steps back...

So as I posted on Sunday, I have been going through a study "30 days of Jesus". So far, I have completed my study each morning and it has been going really well. Tomorrow is Day 7 and I have begun to look forward to my quiet time each morning (even though waking up at 5 is never easy).

So is it just a coincidence then that over the past few days, I have received two unexpected medical bills (one which is quite large),  my student loan payments are increasing next month and it seems I can't walk anywhere or do anything without tripping, dropping something or stubbing a toe? I think not. In James it reads "consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance"(verses 2-3). I know that my trials may not have been exactly what James was writing about,  but the idea still fits. The little annoyances of life have the power to steal our joy and peace IF we ALLOW them to do so but they can't gain that power on their own.

The dictionary says perseverance means a steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement. So that is what I intend to do. Continue to hide the Word of God in my heart, move towards a deeper relationship with my Heavenly Father and hold tight to the joy and peace that God gives to those that trust in His will. The rest, whatever it may be, will just have to find someone else to annoy.

 

One step forward...two steps back... I think NOT! This girl is choosing something else. :)

 

 

I am going to give myself an ulcer...

So I graduated in December with my MA from Michigan State. Woo-hoo!

BUT NOW....... it is killing me that I can't figure out what I want to do next. The program that I really want to do, isn't offered anywhere near here and my second choice has a deadline of March 1st but I don't think I can take the GRE and get scores back that fast (let alone study so I get a score I would be happy with!). ARG!!!!

So I am left considering settling for a program that I am okay with (third choice) but not really excited about or putting in a late application for my second choice program. I don't think I could possibly do the second because I just feel anything turned in late is unprofessional and would be a huge black mark on my application before it even gets there. Oh my goodness...I am so confused...and my stomach hurts...here comes the ulcer! ;)

30 days with Jesus

I have recently started a journey of 30 days with Jesus. I have a desire to fall in love all over again with my Savior and this seemed like a fitting starting point. For anyone that would like to join me, please do so.

Here is the first week.
1  Jesus' coming is predicted.  Isaiah 7:14;9:1-9; Luke 1:26-38.
2  Jesus is born.   Matthew 1:18-2:23; Luke 2:1-20
3  Jesus is baptized by John the Baptist  Matthew 3:1-17
4  Jesus begins his public ministry. Matthew 4:1-17; Luke 4:14-44
5  Jesus calls his disciples. Luke 5:1-11;6:12-16; John 1:35-51
6 Jesus talks to a Pharisee and Samarian. John 3:1-4:42
7 Jesus delivers the Sermon on the Mount. Matthew 5:1-7:29

I started this Friday so I am on day 3. Anyone that would like, can easily catch up and do this along side of me! I will post the rest of the schedule in the next few days.

Week #2 of 30 days of Jesus

8 Jesus heals people in need Matthew 8:1-9:8
9 Jesus tangles with the Pharisees. Matthew 12:1-45
10 Jesus teaches his disciples using parables. Matthew 13:1-52
11 Jesus demonstrates his power over nature.  Mark 6:45-52, Luke 8:22-25
12 Jesus heals many.  Mark 5:1-43
13 Jesus feeds 5,000 followers.  John 6:1-15
14 Jesus is identified as the Christ. Matthew 16:13-17:13

There goes a crazy lady!!!!

It has been a while since I have posted because it seems the past weeks have been plain old crazy. We just finished exams and semester grades at the high school, I gained a new and exciting opportunity to work with the School Improvement Team as the chairperson, our house was in disarray after the holiday hurricane (it still isn't as clean as I would like) and we started a new format for the Wednesday night program at church which has me teaching bible lessons to children kindergarten through fourth grade each week. PHEW--- like I said life has been crazy!

So how do I find some peace and calm in my day? 1) Start the morning with my bible study time. While I am not always the best at making this part of my day my # 1 priority (sleeping an extra 20 minutes sounds so good...) lately I haven't had any trouble. Feeding my soul with the Word of God brings a supernatural peace to my morning no matter what busy schedule follows. 2) Listen to Christian music in my car. While I only have about 15 minutes of drive time to work, those 15 minutes listening to music that reminds me of a God that loves, forgives, and desires to know me is so precious. Most of the time I can't help but blasting the music high and singing my heart out. Sometimes, tears fill my eyes and I can't help but lift a hand to the Lord that gave his life for me. I am sure that people who drive by me, think I must be having some type of mental breakdown or crazy fit but it's quite the opposite. God is taking this crazy lady and renewing her spirit minute by minute.

The Comparison Game

Have you ever looked at some part of your life; family, job, house, car, friends, body, etc. and then compared it to someone else's? I know I have a tendency to do this and today I was thinking about why. I don't have an honest answer as to why I but I don't believe I am the only one. I think many women suffer from the comparison game and for some reason, it seems to be more common among women than men.

I don't know why women seem to fall in to this trap but I believe it has more to do with outward appearances than anything else.  Everyone wants to appear as if their life is all put together. That the pieces of their life puzzle all fit beautifully together while their own are seen as scattered around, bent or missing. I know what it is like to put on a front to "appear" put together to the outside world even if my world seems to be falling apart. When we live by these lies we are failing to acknowledge all that makes us who we are; all the little imperfections that make us unique and  special. 

So how can women steer clear of this trap?  I don't know. I am still trying to figure it out myself. I do know that God has created each one of us with a unique plan and purpose. We were designed by His hand and He makes no mistakes. In Psalm 139:13 it says "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb".  To find peace in that verse means to accept all the parts of who you are. For me, that list includes my crazy hair, pale skin, wild emotions and stubborn tendencies.

I believe women battling with comparisons, need to hide these words in their heart and mind so the next time they are tempted to compare themselves against another, they can remember that their life, no matter how imperfect it may appear to them, was created by our Father.  So really who are to we argue?

End of 2010...Beginning of 2011

I can't believe how quickly the end of the year went. Before I could think about it family was at our home, vacation had started, Christmas eve and morning were celebrated, we traveled to Ohio to visit the rest of the family and then we were ringing in a new year with friends. Now I sit here in my living room while the hubbs watches football thinking back at the last year and the year to come.

Over the last year, I have completed my master's degree, become more involved with the leadership of my school and district, and started to feel like West Branch was our home. We have begun making friends, getting more involved with our church and making our house feel like a home.

This next year, will continue to be full of change. Kevin and I are looking forward to starting a family, furthering our careers, and continuing to build relationships with others in our community.   I know that 2011 will not be a perfect year because perfection is unattainable. However,  my goal is that throughout the next year, I will put God first, devote myself to a daily conversation with my Savior and fully trust in HIS plan for my life. If I can do this, all the other details will just fall in to place. And if they don't, it's okay because God's grace will carry me through.